Advice columns? Or just the opinions of the over educated and over inflated?

So I got off work from my "real" job today early.  Went to my fave taco place, got me some tacos and picked up a local periodical that used to be fun to read but now has mostly pot advertisements in it.

 As I am munching down on my #2 combo plate (two shredded beef tacos with beans and rice) I am reading the advice column in the rag mag.  Now I don't know about you but my advice usually differs from that given in advice columns.  Number one, I am not politically correct.  I am not going to sugar coat my opinion (that you are asking for may I remind you) so that you might feel better about yourself.  Number two, I do not have a PhD or any other over inflated degree.  Actually, I am glad for that because if I did have a degree and was dispensing so called "professional" advice, in some states I could probably get into trouble over it lol.  What I am by legal trade is a hairdresser.  Which means I fall somewhere in the neighborhood of PhD Psychiatrist and bartender.  Which means I know all your deepest darkest secrets and what your true hair color is.  I know who you are cheating on, who your husband is cheating with and whether or not your kids are on drugs.  And I am pretty much sworn to secrecy because I want to keep your business.  And let's face it, someone has to cover those gray roots, right?

Ok.  Reading the advice column in today's rag mag.  Someone wrote in to say they were engaged to their soul mate.  But the so called soul mate, aka bitch, packed up and left without so much as a reason.  Very low class if you ask me.  I think if you share time with someone, then they should have the benefit of a proper "fuck off".  Even if it is just to say "hey, I don't love you it's not working out for me, so I"m out".  So natch, the one left behind is feeling rather dispondant.  Well I would too.  For about 5 minutes.  So the leave-ee is not able to eat, not able to sleep, having a hard time working.  No. Bueno.

The columnist drones on about all this psychobabble bullshit.  Love yourself. Be kind to yourself.  You are in mourning.  You are in withdrawal.  .....blah blah blah.

Are you fucking kidding me???

Here is the real version.

Dude, I realize the person you called a "soul mate" split, with no explanation to you whatsoever.  That should be your first clue.  Soul mates don't treat you that way.  it's obvious that you loved her more than she loved you.  Nothing wrong with that.  But it really is better to find out now than later that she was as uncaring as she was.  And let's face it.  She didn't care about you.  That has nothing to do with you and everything to do with her.  She did you a favor by bailing.  This way, you can start your search for someone new, who genuinely cares about you.  Someone who values you, the way you live your life, your morals and values.  YOU.   So don't lose one more minute of sleep over her.  Because I am sure she isn't losing a bit of sleep over you.  Go with some friends to your fave food place, order your fave meal.  Have some laughs and good times.  Stay up late and watch movies with those friends.  And when all is said and done, have a great nights sleep.  Because in the end, you deserve better than her.  And who knows, maybe she knew that and that's why she split.  People around you love you and don't want to see you hurting.  So don't waste another minute and don't wake up another day and give that bitch any more power in your life.  Life's too short and you deserve all the laughter and smiles you can get.

Now that's how it should have gone.