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I got an emergency comment on my myspace this morning from a very good friend of mine to go to tmz.com because they had pix of THE EDWARD sans shirt for the clocktower scene that was being filmed. It just so happens I was on Pillow Biters, looking at the very same pix, but better, at the very same instant. (No, I'm not posting the pix here, not that anyone reads my shitty blog lol, but it is a severe *spoiler alert* and in case someone IS reading, I don't want to blow the most pivitol scene in the movie. If you must, go there and look for yourself, knowing YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

Anyway, it had been a while since I had vistited PB and while scrolling down after almost dying of a heart attack at the shirtless Rob pix I ran across a poem that aptly describes the moment I saw those pix. To the Author Suzanne, full credit goes.....and thank you for describing something I couldn't quite put into words.

Dirty English Boy
By Suzanne

I see you in the movies
I see you on the Telly
I see you on my PC
and you turn me into jelly
You should be illegal, you rock me
You dirty English boy

When I see your bedroom eyes
I turn into a puddle
When I see your bedroom lips
Don't care about the stubble
You make me insane, you rock me
You dirty English boy

I want to be that cigarette
You hold between your lips
I want to be those worn jeans
That wrap around your hips
You set me on fire, you rock me
You dirty English boy

I don't understand this
I feel I'm on fire
You've created a monster
And I'm flaming with desire
I want you yesterday, you rock me
You dirty English boy

Your voice as smooth as velvet
It melts me into butter
But if I were to meet you
All I would do is stutter
You have me by the heartstrings, You rock me
You dirty English Boy

It reminded me of something I had swimming around in my own head for the last week or two and when I saw Suzanne's poem, it definitely inspired me to write mine down. I don't know how many of you have actually heard this:

"I don't care if it rains or freezes 'long as I got my plastic Jesus"

But it was the defining inspiration for my poem. Picture the scene: I'm sitting on the sofa watching Twilight and reading New Moon and I have the little limerick from above playing through my head.......no, I don't know why. It just was. When all of a sudden I glance over at little E, who is ever so faithfully guarding my cherry coke........and all of a sudden, out of nowhere, this pops into my head:

"I don't care if he's moody or sullen as long as I've got my plastic Cullen"

conceived, composed and written by Ms Lisa

I realize that it does not have quite the same panache as "Dirty English Boy"............

Eh bite me you Twi-wenches......how dare you interrupt my haughty literary genius, lol

A letter to the Twilight Widowers Wife

After reading the TW's blog this morning when I woke up, I was stunned, for his wife. Being forced into the twi-closet because you are afraid of what others might think. Believe me, gay people everywhere know EXACTLY how you feel! I just felt that she needed some support from us Twilighters.

Dear Twilight Widowers Wife,

I am so sorry to hear your dinner did not go well with your old friends. Clearly you have outgrown them and perhaps it's time to let the friendship fall by the wayside. True friends never make us feel ashamed of who we are or what we like. They support us in every way. Obviously for your "friends" (and I use the term loosely) to albeit unknowingly bash your beloved Edward tells me that they really do not know you at all.

I say, stand PROUD my fellow Twilighter!! Even Shakespeare was thought to be a fruitcake in his own time....it wasn't until the 19th century that his work was regarded with praise and revered as the work of a master. Be rested knowing that when all is said and done Stephanie Meyer and the Twilight Saga will be regarded as one of the greatest quadriliogies of our time. Over 20 million copies of Twilight have been sold in the United States alone. With and additional 5 million in other country sales. (It's probably harder to get Twilight outside the US because we believe in FREEDOM here to read what we choose).

Remember, "university" people like knowledge and facts. That is one thing you can share with them in the event they Twi-bash again. The greatest selling books of all time are the Bible, of up to 6 billion copies, interspersed with Dickens "A talke of two Cities" at 200 million and Tolkiens "Lord of the Rings" at 150 million copies. Tolstoy's "War and Peace" comes it at a mere 36 million (barely above Stephanie Meyers' Twilight) and that is considered one of the greatest books ever written! Oh, and don't forget to let your friends know, that over 40 million copies of the entire saga alone have been sold, beating out even the uppity Micheline Guide- so they can stick that in their hooka and smoke it.

And please remember my fellow Twilighter, that generally the only reason people belittle a thing is because they are afraid of it. Afraid of it's power over them. To belittle makes your friends feel powerful, when it is clearly a narrow minded judgment. Ask yourself, "how can one possibly have an opinion on something they know nothing about?" Or do they? ::raises eyebrow::

YOU HOLD YOUR HEAD HIGH! Do not be ashamed to be a Twilighter! There are after all LEGIONS of us out there. I wear my Bella Bracelet every day, proudly! I take my pocket Edward everywhere, and I use my Twilight carrying case as a purse! SO MISSY, YOU PUT ON YOUR TEAM EDWARD HOODIE AND HOLD YOUR HEAD UP HIGH! YOU ARE A TWILIGHTER! SAY IT WITH ME NOW, I A M A T W I L I G H T E R ! LOUDER!!
I A M A T W I L I G H T E R ! I A M A T W I L I G H T E R! L O U D E R!!!
I A M A T W I L I G H T E R!!!! YEA!!! NOW YOU GOT IT!! SCREAM IT FROM THE ROOFTOPS!!






::high fives:: Now run out and get your twilight tattoo and wear it proudly!!

Remember this, the true measure of a book is not what other people think of it. It's true measure comes from where it takes the reader, the feelings it inspires in the reader and the vision and inspiration it gives the reader. Even the Bible can be construed as crap if it doesn't inspire you.

And "since I'm going to hell, I may as well do it thoroughly" and TAKE SMs BOOKS WITH ME!

Love and Twilights always,

Ms Lisa


Oh, and on a sidenote there Widower, you missed a GRAND Edwardian opportunity to come to your wife's rescue and defense of her love of Twilight that night, that probably would have turned you into Edward (in her eyes) and gotten you laid for pretty much EVER! Just a thought. ::wink::

A simple Twank you will do

As I was laying in bed last night, suffering from the previous meal of Japanese food I had eaten earlier, I was thinking of all of my fellow bloggers pages to take my mind off the agony I was involuntarily taken over by......sesame chicken, sushi and tempura veggies with what appeared to be some kind of unidentifiable pickled vegetables..*moans*

So as I lay there (bucket nearby) with my first love (my blackberry) surfing your pages in between episodes of incoherency, violent eruptions and absolute blankness (I'm assuming I fell asleep at that point) something occurred to me.

I wanted to take a moment to thank all of my fellow Twi-bloggers. Not only for being there with me in my time of need lol, but for really doing a great job. I enjoy reading so many of your blogs! The humor, the Edward exploits, the families who think we have all gone TOTALLY off the reservation because of our devotion for Twilight. I am still very new at all of this blog stuff and so many of you have provided inspiration in so many ways. I admire everyones creativity and humor and all of everyones experiences.......and for giving me a place to go when my "normal friends" (who really don't seem all that normal since most have never even read the Twilight Saga, I mean really, what kind of trolls are you?) are fed up with my "Edward this and Bella that" lol.

Thank you everyone for your wonderful imaginations!! I enjoy each and every one of you!

The Japanese food though, yeah, not so much.




PS-this is NOT the food or the place that did me in lol.

Gay is NOT the issue here. Ignorance however......

Ok, I have to address this issue here because it has really been chapping my ass.

I'm going to preface this by letting everyone know I live in California, land of the fruits and nuts and damn proud of it. We have EVERYTHING here, which is why everyone wants to move here.

Ever since before Little Ashes came out, everyone was making a big damn deal over the man-love scene. What I want to know is........is that ALL you get out of this movie?

This is NOT a GAY movie. This movie is about the life and times of Salvador Dali, who was in his time, and still is, one of the most amazing artists in the world. If any of you have actually seen any of his work, you would actually know this. But all I keep hearing is about everyone's worried their beloved "Robward" has gone pile driving.

First of all, his name isn't "Edward". It's Robert Pattinson. He's an A C T O R, not a vampire. He gets paid to portray certain roles. The fact that RP took this roll in my opinion spells out what a talented, multi-faceted actor he really is. Not just an actor, but an artist. That says a great deal about him as a person if everyone can get past Twilight.

We watch women kissing and fondling each other in movies all the time and no one says anything about it. Since the film making industry is dominated by men it doesn't surprise me. But two men kissing? OH NOOOOOO. People start flipping out ..........like you can catch "gay" like the flu or something. (we all remember Brokeback Mountain).

And since I feel strongly about all of this I would also like to add this:
There are three boundaries love doesn't know. Age, sex, race. Love just is. And love takes you as you are. Unconditionally.

So, to all the ignorant gay and straight people out there: GET OVER YOURSELVES ALREADY WILL YA.





Because if THIS (above) is all you took from the movie, instead of this (below),





Then the problem is YOU.

Nuff said. I've made my peace.

K-STEWED?

Do my eyes deceive me or is this our dear sweet Bella tokin' it up on the pipe?

The Twilight Saga book 6.......after "Midnight Sun", there comes, "Morning Toke". A whole new white trash spin on Twilight. Edward, her vamp pimp, makes her whore herself out to her drug dealer, Jacob. Hilarity ensues.

In stores this winter.


HEY, K-STEWED, PASS THE KOUCHIE GIRL!
(photos from Nov. 2008)

The Men of Twilight

It's about 104 degrees out here in sunny Sacramento, and despite the heat outside, I thought a little "man-meat" might just take my mind off the heat outside. WRONG! I must have been INSANE.....I want to know.....who IS the hotter Cullen?


Our first contender.....Edward Cullen, aka Rob Pattinson.

Ok. Words don't really explain what we already know. He's hot. He went from 0-60 in a nano second. His smoulder makes you want to jump on his ass and tear him to shreds. He's British, he's musical, he's a smartass and he's funny.

Next we have Kellan Lutz, aka Emmett Cullen.



I only have two words.....CHOCOLATE SYRUP.

Jackson Rathbone aka Jasper Hale



Less obvious, but the sexy is there.....he doesn't flaunt it....then again, he doesn't have to.

Peter Facinelli aka Carlisle Cullen



I almost forgot about this movie. I saw it today on another blog and it's what got me started on this whole thing. Btw....nice ass Peter......and everything else too I might add.






My winner?



Kellan Lutz, hands down.....clothes off.......and a copy of the Kama Sutra baby.

(all photo creds go to their original sources)

The lazy girls guide to mushroom ravioli's

I've seen this on a few websites out there, and now I thought I would do my take on it.

The lazy girls guide to mushroom ravioli's or the "I just did hair for 12 hours without a break and I haven't pee'd all day and I'm too damn tired to cook" mushroom ravioli.

Hit the Walmarrrrr (that's Walmart for all of you who only speak English)

Go directly to the frozen food section.

Grab the Bertolli Frozen: Mushroom Ravioli In A Mushroom Cream Sauce Complete Pasta & Sauce, 19.4 oz

Put it in the cart.

Then go to where ever they keep the bagged salad. Grab one. My personal fave? Fresh Express Veggie Lovers Salad.



Put it in the cart.

Don't forget to stop somewhere for french bread.

Drive home really fast. I know you're hungry.

Walk in house, put bag down, take bra off immediately. And shoes.

Throw ravioli's in microwave. Press cook.

Run and go pee.

Open salad bag, pour in some ranch dressing, shake bag and eat.

When done Microwaving, open raviolis, dump in bowl (or not) and eat.

Oh, and watch Twilight, of course.